How to adopt a coaching mindset?

Without adding more to your plate.

“What do you think your impact was in that meeting?” A deceptively simple question. Honestly, it stopped me cold.

It was the year 2000. I was working in a fast-paced marketing agency. My boss, Wim Vrijmoeth, had a habit of asking questions after every client meeting, every pitch, every presentation. Not to catch me out, but to make me think.

After one particular team meeting, he asked me that question. And I knew the answer: not great. I’d been too loud, too fast, too full of opinions. He didn’t judge. He simply reflected what I couldn’t yet see and then showed me what could be different. He also shared that my irritation about some team members showed clearly through my non-verbal clues.

My edge wasn’t about saying more. It was about less noise, more quietness. Less questioning, more listening. Less high energy, more grounded presence.

Being more fully present, not to impress, but to connect. That changed everything.

That’s the heart of a coaching mindset. It’s not a technique or a role. It’s a way of showing up with curiosity, clarity, and care.

It's one of the clearest predictors of leadership effectiveness

Google’s Project Oxygen, which studied top-performing managers, found that being a good coach is one of the clearest predictors of leadership effectiveness. Not fixing. Not directing. Coaching.

Here's how to start:

1. Ask better questions Coaching starts with curiosity. Not the kind that’s waiting for a gap to give advice, but real inquiry. Ask: What are you trying to achieve? What’s in the way? What options do you see? A good question expands someone’s thinking. A great one helps them own the answer.

2. Reflect their impact Most people don’t see themselves clearly at work. They see their intentions, not their impact. A coaching mindset means helping people understand how their behavior affects others. Not as criticism, but as a gift. The mirror you hold up might be uncomfortable, but it can also be liberating.

3. Create space Coaching isn’t fast. Insight needs room. Don’t rush to fill the silence. Don’t stack the next three questions. Give people time to think, to speak, to hear themselves. You’re not performing. You’re making it safe to pause, reflect, and go deeper.

4. Choose presence over performance You don’t need to be brilliant. You need to be present. Truly present. That means listening without preparing your reply. It means letting go of solving and staying with what’s emerging. When you slow down, others feel seen and often do their best thinking in your presence.

5. Make reflection routine Great coaching doesn’t just happen in formal settings. Build reflection into your rhythm. At the end of a project, after a tough meeting, in a corridor chat. Ask: What worked? What didn’t? What would you try differently next time? Learning becomes part of the culture.

A coaching mindset isn’t something you switch on for special conversations. It’s a way of leading. A way of relating. And yes, it takes effort. But it doesn’t take more time. It takes more intention.

And it begins with a question: What was your impact?